why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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