toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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