Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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