you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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