She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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