I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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