...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
