He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
