My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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