is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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