I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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