I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
