I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
