The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
