At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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