I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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