so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
