Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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