i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
