she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
