It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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