please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize