glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
