I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
