Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
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