420 ftw
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You can't special order awesome
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize