My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
