He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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