dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
