Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
