Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize