Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
