Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
