So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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