even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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