he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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