gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize