I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
