Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize