cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
