just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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