Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
