tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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