using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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