I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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