i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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