Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
