honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
