blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
