my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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