Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
