marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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