so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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