does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize