Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
