i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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