You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
