My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
