So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize