i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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