Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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