she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
