I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
