I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
