we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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