I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize