Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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