Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
