Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drake has all the answers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
