You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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