god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
