i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
