just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
