They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
