dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
