Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize