hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
