so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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