Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
