Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
