You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
we're so committed to being not committed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize