He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
