We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
