Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
