I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my shit smells like andre
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
