The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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